I feel foreign in my own company. Constantly encountering new things. New feelings. New versions of me that i didn’t know i’m capable of being.

Melancholy. Contentment. Anything in between. I don’t know how to interpret all that. Really. At first i thought it was better to just float around. Nonchalant, head on to nowhere. Turns out i’m wrong. I still need something to cling onto. It just keeps coming back to me.

Everything seems foggy. Foreign. Peculiar. Odd. It almost smells like the scent of new books. Only this time i have no idea which chapter i’m currently at. Let alone the title of it.

I feel oblivious. Clueless. I don’t know what i’m doing. I don’t know what i’m on. With the lack of my offers, will there ever be someone to stick around? With every fiber of my being, i’d kill for someone to whisper in my ear. Something about reassurance. That would be nice, i guess.

This world is crazily fast-paced yet i am not a sprinter. I can’t even afford running shoes. I’m still processing yesterday. I wish i have powers to suppress time to linger a little longer. Linger on the things that makes me feel comfortabIe. Safe. Secured. Whether it’s a place, a moment, a memory, or perhaps a person. Or perhaps a memory of a person. I don’t know. I don’t know what i want. I don’t know what i’m doing to be honest. I just wish i could float around openly, free from this vicious range of time.

I know…I know. Believe me, i know.

It’s temporary, right..? it’s just a phase they said. And l’ll eventually figure things out, right..? But will that all ever be enough to soften up the hard shells, though? Is there anything that could make it all up anyway?

One thing i know for certain is that I’m sick of uncertainty. I feel like i’m about to fall. But fall to where? fall from where? I heard it hurts like hell. Should i be prepared? “Look for the silver lining” some say. Least I’ll be able to feel something. Least l’ll get the chance to actually feel something.

Can we cut ties from things we can’t control? I’m fucking tired of it. Do we really have the choice? Does it get better? The pain, does it really get better or will i just get used to it..? Is it worth the consequences? Is it worth the risk? It’s incomprehensible…..